‘What are you wittering about, woman?’
‘My sewing needle! I lost it months ago. You know, I told you just after him next door had his massive attack. How that doctor and the medics got him out past his caravan, I’ll never know. What a squeeze and him with a dickey heart. Mind you, his wife’s not much better. She had to go to Lourdes for the cure last year after her primal scream therapy failed. Anyway, I must get on. The cleaning all needs doing.’
‘What? Again? Anyone’d think the Queen was coming.’
‘And another thing. I need a proper washing machine. That toploader has just about had it. Do you know it leaks so badly the kitchen looks like an oasis half the time? All it needs is a camel.
‘It’s no good you screaming. Trees don’t yield money you know. Anyway, I can’t listen to you all day. What’s on the wireless?’
‘Dunno. But you’d better turn it on now. It takes so long to warm up, you’d think it was human…’
‘…League Division Two. Stockport County one, Barnet nil…’
‘It’s the bloody football results, oh joy…’
‘…Division One. Portishead Town six…’
‘I can’t listen to this. Who’s interested in a minor south-western league clash? What’s for tea?’
‘Scones, cranberries and cream.’
‘Again? You’d never get that garbage at my Holly’s.’
‘Yes, but then you’d have to put up with that grandson of yours.’
‘Kevin’s not such bad company. What’s he been up to now?’
‘Well, there was a bit of an incident at the pet shop. Boys will be boys, you know, but they should never have called the police. I know eagles don’t come free but I’m sure the wings will grow back in time. Of course, Kevin’s been a bit sensitive after his dad spilt tea on that igloo he made out of sugar cubes. All of a pulp, it was. And that girl of his, you know, blondie, gave him the elbow. Poor boy!’
‘Huh! Can’t imagine what the youth of today think they’re up to. Walking around like zombies on ecstasy and nattering about pop music. Complete madness! Wouldn’t have happened in my day…’
