This 'Ole House

Despite the fact that I seem to spend most of my spare time thinking about, playing or listening to music, I have actually spent all my working life in the Property industry – even music obsessives have to earn a crust. But up until now it has never really occurred to me that there may be links between the two aspects of my life, so your intrepid researcher set out to discover the truth.

So far, I have only looked into the murky pool that is residential agency. You, know, those much-maligned people who sell you your house. It appears there is quite a repertoire for them to play all day on the office iPod when the market is slack. For example, apart from Shakey (see title) there is ‘Country House’ (Blur), ‘Our House’ (Madness) or even the sinister ‘Hyacinth House’ (Doors). Then of course at the end of a hard day’s toil gazumping there is the blessed relief of going ‘Back to the Old House’ (Smiths) or if the stress has finally got to you, the ‘Happy House’ (Siouxsie and the Banshees).

For those exiled in the lettings department, there is simply the collection of ‘Rent’ (Pet Shop Boys) to contemplate or if they are of a more aggressive frame of mind, to ‘Raise my Rent’ (Dave Gilmore). When sitting tenants become a bit of a problem there is always ‘Get Out of My House’ (Kate Bush) or at the extreme ‘House Burning Down’ (Jimi Hendrix) but let’s not go there.

However, we should not be too hard on the poor agent, property management also has its practical problems in the areas of maintenance, ‘The Roof is Leaking’ (Phil Collins) and decoration, ‘Paint it Black’ (Rolling Stones) and on-site industrial accidents are a constant threat, ‘Blood on the Rooftops’ (Genesis) or ‘Nails in My Feet’ (Crowded House). Site security can also be a source of worry, ‘She Came in Through the Bathroom Window’ (Beatles).

In the lucrative pond of property development, first find your location, ‘Respectable Street’ (XTC) and then get the builders in, ‘Build it Up and Tear it Down’ (Fatboy Slim). Finishing touches always help to generate sales, ‘Thorn Tree in the Garden’ (Derek and the Dominoes).

I’m sure there are many, many more to uncover, but frankly it was all becoming a little bit too much like work so for the time being that is the extent of my investigation.

I dare say that all these songs and more will probably be appearing on a new double CD, ‘Now That’s What I Call Residential Property Management Vol 6,473’.